were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Randomize
