Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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