it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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