Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
