i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
