When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
