The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
