My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
