Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
