Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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