we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
