apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize