I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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