My hair reeks of homosexuality.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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