there's paper in my vomit.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
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