He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
