A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
