; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
