So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
