Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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