Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
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I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
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I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
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