Please, let me fuck your mom
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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