I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
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