Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
well, you know. whores of a feather.
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