woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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