I'm jealous of your bromance
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
