I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
