I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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