Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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