im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
