home. puking in laundry basket.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
