Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize