You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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