i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Randomize
