im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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