I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
