I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
