The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
