I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
