Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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