"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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