chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
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