those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Randomize
