I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
