Can i not drive my cunt home
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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