And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
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so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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