im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
