Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize