please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
