I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
