I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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