i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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