Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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