You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
