she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
