fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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