Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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