Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Too much gin, very little bucket
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
