Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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