I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
