So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
