I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
