When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
