Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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