I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I'm at about main and main street
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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