Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
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I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
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I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
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