but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
